EMDR for Perfectionism and Inner Criticism
When high standards become a constant burden
Perfectionism and inner criticism often look like motivation from the outside. People who struggle with them are frequently high-achieving, responsible, and deeply committed to doing things well. Internally, however, the experience is often exhausting. There is a constant sense of pressure, fear of making mistakes, and an inner voice that rarely feels satisfied.
Many people try to manage perfectionism by pushing harder or becoming more disciplined. Over time, this approach usually backfires, leading to burnout, anxiety, or a sense of never being enough. EMDR therapy offers a different way of working with these patterns, one that focuses on where they come from rather than trying to argue with them.
A brief example
A client I’ll call Michael came to therapy because he felt constantly on edge at work. He was successful by most measures, but any mistake, even a small one, triggered intense self-criticism and anxiety. He described an inner voice that stayed alert at all times, scanning for what could go wrong.
Michael understood where this voice came from. He grew up in an environment where mistakes were noticed quickly and praise was inconsistent. Despite years of insight and self reflection, his body still reacted as if failure carried serious consequences.
This is a common experience for people with perfectionism. Understanding the pattern does not always soften its emotional grip.
Understanding perfectionism and inner criticism
Perfectionism is not just about wanting to do well. For many people, it is driven by deeper beliefs such as “I am only valued if I succeed,” “Mistakes are dangerous,” or “I can't disappoint others.” Inner criticism often develops alongside these beliefs, acting as a harsh internal monitor that tries to prevent failure through constant correction.
These patterns rarely appear randomly. They often develop in environments where approval felt conditional, mistakes were punished or shamed, or emotional needs were overlooked. In other cases, perfectionism emerged as a coping strategy during times of instability, responsibility, or high expectations, serving as a way to maintain control or safety.
When I work with clients around these patterns, it is common to see both pride in how capable they are and deep fatigue from the constant internal pressure.
Why talk therapy can have limits with perfectionism
Talk therapy can be very helpful for understanding perfectionism. Many people gain insight into where their inner critic comes from and why it developed. They may recognise that their standards are unrealistic or that their self-talk is harsh.
Despite this insight, the emotional pull of perfectionism often remains. The inner critic still shows up automatically, especially under stress. This is because these patterns are often rooted in emotional memory rather than conscious thought. Knowing that the inner voice is unhelpful does not always quiet it.
This experience clients have is known as ‘feeling split’, understanding one thing intellectually while feeling something very different emotionally.
How EMDR addresses the roots of perfectionism
EMDR works by helping the brain process experiences that shaped current emotional patterns. Instead of focusing on changing thoughts directly, EMDR targets the underlying memories and beliefs that keep perfectionism in place. This may include experiences where mistakes led to criticism, rejection, or shame. It may also address moments where responsibility felt overwhelming or where approval felt uncertain. These experiences may not always feel dramatic, but they often carry significant emotional weight.
As these experiences are reprocessed, the emotional charge attached to them often softens. Over time, the inner critic tends to lose intensity. Self-judgment may still appear, but it no longer feels all-consuming or threatening.
What EMDR for perfectionism looks like in practice
EMDR therapy begins with preparation and stabilisation. Clients learn grounding skills and develop a sense of safety before any reprocessing begins. Therapy does not start by confronting or dismantling the inner critic.
When reprocessing begins, clients are guided to notice emotions, body sensations, images or thoughts connected to perfectionism or self-criticism. There is no requirement to analyse or explain everything. The focus is on allowing the nervous system to process what arises at a manageable pace.
Many clients notice gradual changes rather than sudden shifts. They may feel less reactive after making a mistake, less anxious about performance, or more able to rest without guilt. These changes often show up first in everyday moments rather than dramatic insights.
Inner criticism as a protective strategy
An important aspect of EMDR work with perfectionism is recognizing that the inner critic often developed as a form of protection. At an earlier stage of life, it helped someone avoid conflict, rejection, or failure, its purpose was to keep the person safe. EMDR does not aim to eliminate this part of the self. Instead, it helps update the nervous system so that constant self-attack is no longer needed. As underlying fears are processed, self-compassion often becomes more accessible, not because someone forces it, but because the system no longer feels under threat. Clients often find this reframing relieving, especially those who feel ashamed of how hard they are on themselves.
Who may benefit from EMDR for these patterns
EMDR can be helpful for people who:
Feel driven by fear of failure or disappointing others
Experience chronic self-criticism despite insight and effort
Tie self-worth closely to performance or productivity
Feel anxious or ashamed after making mistakes
Struggle to rest or relax without guilt
Experience burnout linked to high standards
Many people who benefit from EMDR for perfectionism have tried traditional approaches and feel that something deeper remains unchanged.
What changes people often notice
Progress in EMDR does not usually look like becoming careless or unmotivated. Instead, people often describe feeling more flexible and less rigid.
Common changes include:
A softer internal tone when mistakes happen
Less urgency to prove worth through achievement
Greater tolerance for uncertainty or imperfection
Improved ability to rest and recover
A clearer sense of self-worth that is not performance-based
These shifts tend to support sustainable motivation rather than undermine it.
Is EMDR right for perfectionism and inner criticism?
EMDR may be a good fit if you understand your patterns but still feel emotionally driven by them. It is especially helpful when perfectionism feels automatic, intense, or rooted in fear rather than choice. EMDR offers a way to work with these patterns at their roots. By helping the nervous system process the experiences that shaped them, EMDR can support a shift toward greater self-compassion, flexibility, and emotional ease.
A consultation with a trained therapist can help determine whether EMDR is appropriate for your needs and readiness.
About Liz Vossen and Trauma-Informed Therapy
I am a trauma informed EMDR therapist supporting people whose past experiences, whether clear traumatic events or the accumulation of difficult moments over time, continue to influence their present lives in unwanted ways. Through EMDR, I help clients move from understanding their experiences to fully processing them, creating greater ease, confidence, flexibility, and momentum in daily life.
I offer a free 20 minute consultation to explore whether EMDR feels like a good fit and to answer any questions about the process.
