What EMDR Actually Feels Like: A Clear and Honest Look
Why this question matters
Many people are curious about EMDR but hesitate because they are unsure how it will feel. Some worry it will be overwhelming. Others fear losing control, being forced to relive painful memories, or feeling worse afterward. These concerns are understandable, especially for people who already feel emotionally sensitive or cautious.
EMDR is often talked about in technical terms, but what it feels like matters just as much. Having a clearer picture of the experience can make it easier to decide whether it is the right fit.
A brief example
A client I’ll call Sarah came to therapy feeling unsure about EMDR. She had done a lot of talk therapy and understood her history well, but certain reactions still felt automatic and hard to shift. She was worried EMDR would be intense or destabilizing, and asked more than once whether she would have to relive memories in detail.
In the early sessions, nothing dramatic happened. We talked about her goals, what helped her feel grounded, and how she noticed stress showing up in her body. She learned a few ways to settle herself when emotions rose. She later said that this phase surprised her, it felt slower and more supportive than she expected.
That experience is common, and it often sets the tone for what EMDR actually feels like.
EMDR does not start where people think it does
One of the most common misconceptions is that EMDR begins immediately with intense memory work. In reality, EMDR therapy starts slowly and intentionally.
Early sessions focus on building safety, trust, and emotional stability. You and your therapist talk about your therapy goals, current stressors, and what helps you stay grounded. You learn grounding strategies that support you staying present and regulated. This phase is essential and not rushed.
When I work with clients in this stage, many express relief. Clients often tell me that this early phase feels steadier than expected, especially if they’ve been worried about becoming overwhelmed. The process often feels more containing and collaborative than they’d imagined; instead of intensity, there is ease.
What the reprocessing phase is and how it feels
When reprocessing begins, the experience is often quieter and more internal than people expect. During this phase, attention is gently brought to a specific experience that feels distressing or activating. Reprocessing is achieved through bilateral stimulation, which means alternating stimulation on the right and left sides of the body. The classic form is done by eye movements: you watch the therapist’s hand move back and forth horizontally, guiding your eyes from left to right, while you are also thinking about the distressing experience. This left-right movement creates a two-sided stimulation in the brain and the experience you are imagining becomes less and less distressing over time as the reprocessing continues. This de-activation continues once the therapy is complete and reminders of the memory are generally no longer triggering in day to day life.
As the bilateral stimulation is underway, you are asked to notice what arises. This might include thoughts, images, emotions, or physical sensations. There is no right or wrong response and there is no need to direct the experience or make sense of it as it happens. Many clients describe this phase more like observing than talking, with the therapist gently guiding the pace and direction.
For example, a client working with a phobia may begin by focusing on an anticipated future situation that usually brings up fear. Rather than imagining it in detail, they simply notice the sense of unease or body reaction that arises. As processing continues, that reaction often shifts and then softens, even though the situation itself has not changed. Similarly clients working with past experiences often notice that memories begin to feel more distant or less charged as reprocessing unfolds.
Session can feel different from one another. Some feel active, with noticeable shifts, while others feel quieter. Both are normal. The absence of strong emotions does not mean that reprocessing is not happening.
You do not need to describe everything in detail. Many clients say it feels less like talking and more like observing what the mind and body are doing.
Is EMDR emotionally intense?
EMDR does often involve emotional activation, but intensity is not the goal. Some people experience moments of strong emotions, while others find sessions feel calm, neutral, or even surprisingly uneventful.
When I check in with clients about this, many are surprised by how contained the experience feels. Even when emotions arise, they tend to come like a wave, intensifying momentarily then fading out, rather than building or spiralling. For clients who worry about being flooded or overwhelmed, it can help to understand that emotions wont rise infinitely. When experienced in a supported way, they tend to rise, move through, and settle, rather than escalating or taking over.
It is also worth noting that emotional intensity can vary from session to session. A session that feels quiet is not a sign that nothing is happening; processing does not always look dramatic.
What happens if it feels overwhelming
Clients remain in control throughout EMDR. You can slow down, pause, or stop at any point. Therapists are trained to watch closely for signs that the process is becoming too activating and to respond immediately by helping the client become grounded and regulated.
For example, if a client notices rising anxiety while focusing on an experience, we may pause the bilateral stimulation and return to grounding, or shift attention away from the target altogether. Knowing this flexibility is built into the process often helps people feel safer engaging with it.
Feeling safe in the process is more important than progressing quickly.
Physical sensations during EMDR
Some people notice physical sensations during EMDR, such as tightness, warmth, heaviness, or changes in breathing. These sensations are normal and reflect how the nervous system processes experience.
For clients who find it hard to put emotions into words, this body-based aspect of EMDR can feel especially accessible. There is no expectation to interpret sensations or explain them. You are asked only to give short ‘headline’ reports of what you are experiencing so that the therapist has a general sense of your experience. Generally your sensations will shift or settle naturally as processing continues. I often hear clients say something like, “My chest just feels less tight,” or “That knot isn’t there in my stomach anymore,” without needing to attach meaning to it. These changes are simply noted and allowed.
What clients often notice after sessions
After an EMDR session, people may feel tired, calm, emotionally lighter, or reflective. Some notice changes immediately, while others observe shifts gradually over time. The EMDR processing can continue up to 72 hours after a session ends, even if not noticed, the subconscious will be reorganizing.
Common experiences include:
Reduced emotional reactions to triggers
Feeling more grounded or settled
Improved sleep or concentration
Less urgency around certain thoughts or fears
Occasionally, emotions may continue to process between sessions. Therapists prepare clients for this and provide tools to manage it. This is usually experienced as manageable rather than overwhelming. A client might notice, for example, that a situation which normally triggers anxiety feels lightly easier, or that a feared scenario no longer carries the same charge. These changes often show up quietly in daily life.
Does EMDR feel different for everyone?
Yes. There is no single EMDR experience. Some people are very aware of internal changes during sessions, while others notice effects mainly notice the effects outside of therapy.
Some sessions feel active and engaging, while others feel subdued. Both are valid. The absence of strong emotion does not mean EMDR is not working. Processing can happen subtly and still be meaningful.
When clients ask how they will know if it is working, I often suggest paying attention to everyday responses rather than what happens in the room alone.
EMDR and fear of losing control
A common fear is that EMDR will make emotions uncontrollable. In practice, EMDR is highly structured and client-led. Before beginning reprocessing, I make sure clients know how to slow down, pause, or shift the process if it begins to feel like more than they can comfortably tolerate. Clients remain in control throughout, and we adjust the pace together to the work stays within a manageable range.
You remain present and aware. You are not reliving the past as if it is happening again. The therapist regularly checks in and follows your cues.
Many clients who initially fear losing control later report feeling more in control than they expected. Having clear structure and the ability to pause or redirect often contributes to this sense of safety.
How EMDR feels compared to talk therapy
Talk therapy often involves explaining, analyzing, and reflecting. EMDR feels more experiential and internal. Clients are not asked to make sense of what they are experiencing during reprocessing, but simply to ‘report the headline’ so the therapist has a general, rather than in-depth, understanding of what the client is experiencing.
Some people describe EMDR as allowing their mind to “do its thing” without needing to guide it. Others say it feels like emotions finally settling, rather than being revisited repeatedly.
Both approaches can be helpful, and many therapists integrate EMDR with talk therapy depending on what is most supportive at different stages.
What EMDR does not feel like
EMDR does not feel like hypnosis. You are not unconscious or suggestible. It does not involve reliving trauma in graphic detail and it does not require emotional performance. If EMDR ever feels rushed or unsafe, this is a sign to slow down, revisit preparation, or reassess the approach.
Knowing whether the experience is right for you
The best way to understand what EMDR feels like is through a consultation. A trained therapist can explain how they work, answer questions, and help assess readiness.
You are allowed to be cautious. You are allowed to take your time.
About Liz Vossen and Trauma-Informed Therapy
I am a trauma informed EMDR therapist supporting people whose past experiences, whether clear traumatic events or the accumulation of difficult moments over time, continue to influence their present lives in unwanted ways. Through EMDR, I help clients move from understanding their experiences to fully processing them, creating greater ease, confidence, flexibility, and momentum in daily life.
I offer a free 20 minute consultation to explore whether EMDR feels like a good fit and to answer any questions about the process.
