EMDR and Childhood Trauma
Maya’s experience with Childhood Trauma and EMDR
Maya is in her late 30s and comes to therapy feeling chronically anxious and emotionally tired. She describes herself as capable and responsible, but constantly second-guessing herself. Small misunderstandings with others can lead to hours of rumination, and she often feels a strong urge to fix things or smooth things over, even when nothing obvious is wrong.
When we talk about her childhood, Maya is quick to say that nothing “terrible” happened. Her parents provided for her materially, and there was no overt abuse. At the same time, emotional support was inconsistent. Praise was unpredictable, and conflict in the home meant she often felt responsible for keeping the peace.
As an adult, Maya understands where her anxiety comes from. She can articulate the patterns clearly. And yet, her body still reacts as if she’s on alert, bracing for disapproval, scanning for emotional shifts in others, and feeling deeply unsettled by uncertainty.
In EMDR therapy, we don’t begin by revisiting childhood memories in detail. Early sessions focus on helping Maya feel more grounded in the present and less overwhelmed by emotional activation. When reprocessing begins, we approach early experiences indirectly, paying attention to body sensations and emotional responses rather than retelling stories.
Over time, Maya notices that interactions which once sent her into anxiety feel more manageable. Her urge to people-please softens. The sense of responsibility she carries begins to loosen. The past is still remembered but it no longer feels like it’s happening again.
When early experiences continue to shape adult life
Childhood trauma doesn’t always look dramatic or obvious from the outside. In my work, many people come to therapy without awareness of having experienced trauma, or they may have an inkling but be unsure of whether what they experienced really “counts” as trauma. What they do notice is how it shows up years later as anxiety, low self-esteem, difficulty trusting others, emotional numbness, or a constant sense of needing to be on guard.
For example, I often work with people who appear outwardly capable and grounded, yet feel chronically on edge inside. They may find themselves overthinking interactions, feeling responsible for others’ emotions, or becoming deeply unsettled by small moments of conflict, even when nothing overtly threatening is happening.
Often, people understand logically that the past is over. They can name what happened, reflect on it thoughtfully, and explain how it shaped them. And yet, their nervous system continues to react as if those early dynamics are still unfolding.
EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, offers a way of working with these early experiences that doesn’t rely on repeatedly talking through them, but instead focuses on resolving how they are held in the brain and the body.
What is meant by childhood trauma
Childhood trauma does not only refer to extreme events. It can include experiences that were overwhelming, frightening, or emotionally unsafe for a child at the time, even if they were subtle or invisible to others
Many adults minimize their experiences, saying things like, “My parents did their best,” or “Nothing terrible happened.” And often, both things are true. Trauma at this stage isn’t about blame, it’s about recognizing how inconsistency, emotional unpredictability, or pressure to mature early can shape a developing nervous system.
This might include emotional neglect or inconsistent caregiving, chronic criticism or shame, exposure to conflict or unpredictability, feeling responsible for adult emotions, experiences of bullying or exclusion, or physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. What matters most isn’t how an experience looks from the outside, but how it was experienced internally by a developing nervous system that didn’t yet have the capacity to make sense of it.
Many adults minimize these experiences, telling themselves they “should be over it by now.” EMDR takes a different stance: If the nervous system learned something important about safety or connection early on, it makes sense that those patterns might still be active.
How childhood trauma affects the nervous system
Children depend on caregivers for safety, emotional regulation, and meaning. When these needs are inconsistent, the nervous system adapts to cope. In adulthood, this often shows up as hypervigilance, people-pleasing, emotional shutdown, perfectionism, or difficulty trusting others. People may feel overly responsible for relationships, become highly sensitive to others’ moods, or react strongly to uncertainty, often before they have time to think.
Because these patterns develop early, they can feel automatic and confusing later in life. Reacting intensely to minor situations or feeling unsafe despite stability is not a personal flaw. These are learned survival strategies that once served a purpose but may now limit how people live and relate.
Why talk therapy alone can feel limited
Talk therapy can be very helpful for understanding childhood experiences and making meaning of the past. Many people gain insight, self-compassion, and clarity through this work.
And still, I often hear clients say, “I know where this comes from, but it still affects me.” I often work with people who can clearly articulate their history and patterns, yet still feel caught in them. The understanding is there but the nervous system hasn’t fully updated. EMDR is designed to work at that level. EMDR works directly with how these experiences are stored, rather than relying only on explanation or insight.
How EMDR works with childhood trauma
EMDR helps the brain process experiences that were overwhelming at the time they occurred. Instead of reliving the past, EMDR allows these experiences to be reprocessed so they feel less emotionally charged in the present.
For someone like Maya, EMDR doesn’t begin with reliving childhood experiences. We start by building a sense of safety in the present. When early experiences are approached, it’s done gradually and indirectly, with close attention to emotional and physical responses.
When working with childhood trauma, pacing matters. In my practice, EMDR work begins with careful preparation, stabilization, and resourcing. Memories are approached gradually and respectfully, with attention to emotional and physical responses. Over time, the nervous system learns that these experiences belong to the past, not the present.
Working with implicit memories and beliefs
Childhood trauma often leaves behind implicit beliefs such as “I am not safe,” “I am too much,” or “I have to earn love.” These beliefs are not always conscious, but they shape behaviour and self-perception.
Rather than arguing with these beliefs, EMDR targets them at their emotional roots. As memories are reprocessed, shifts often happen naturally.Clients frequently describe feeling lighter, calmer, or more grounded, not because they convinced themselves of something new, but because their nervous system no longer feels under threat.
What EMDR sessions feel like when addressing early trauma
When I lead EMDR sessions focused on childhood trauma I structure them carefully and proceed at a gentle pace. We don’t start with intense memory work. Early sessions focus on safety, grounding, and most importantly, getting to know one another and building trust in the therapeutic relationship.
When reprocessing begins, you may notice emotions, body sensations, or images that arise. There is no requirement to describe everything in detail. You remain aware and in control throughout the session, and I’ll adjust pacing based on your responses.
Many clients are surprised by how contained this work feels. Rather than being overwhelmed by the past, they often notice small but meaningful shifts like feeling less reactive, more settled in their body, or better able to tolerate emotional uncertainty. Many people find that working this way feels less overwhelming than talking through childhood experiences repeatedly.
Who may benefit from EMDR for childhood trauma
EMDR can be helpful for people who:
Feel emotionally reactive without clear triggers
Struggle with self-worth or chronic self-criticism
Have difficulty trusting others or maintaining relationships
Experience anxiety, shame, or emotional numbness
Grew up feeling unseen, unsafe, or overly responsible
Have tried talk therapy and still feel stuck
You do not need to remember everything clearly for EMDR to be effective. The focus is on what your nervous system remembers, not on perfect recall.
Healing without blaming the past
Working with childhood trauma does not mean blaming caregivers or reliving painful memories endlessly. EMDR is about understanding how early experiences shaped your nervous system and helping it update to present-day reality.
Many people find that EMDR allows them to hold a more balanced view of their past while still addressing the impact it had.
Combining EMDR with other therapeutic approaches
EMDR is often integrated with other forms of therapy. Talk therapy can help explore meaning, relationships, and current challenges, while EMDR addresses the emotional and physiological imprint of early experiences.
This combination allows healing to happen at multiple levels, both cognitive and emotional.
Is EMDR right for childhood trauma?
EMDR may be a good fit if you notice that childhood experiences still influence how you feel, react, or relate, even when you understand them intellectually. A consultation with a trained therapist can help determine readiness and whether EMDR fits your needs.
And remember, ethical EMDR work always prioritizes safety, consent, and pacing.
About Liz Vossen and Trauma-Informed Therapy
I am a trauma informed EMDR therapist supporting people whose past experiences, whether clear traumatic events or the accumulation of difficult moments over time, continue to influence their present lives in unwanted ways. Through EMDR, I help clients move from understanding their experiences to fully processing them, creating greater ease, confidence, flexibility, and momentum in daily life.
I offer a free 20 minute consultation to explore whether EMDR feels like a good fit and to answer any questions about the process.
